This simple statement can better equip caregivers to detach from onlookers who point out an obvious problem.
Caregivers are often put on the spot to somehow fix whatever happens to be the crisis of the day —or the hour. Some people feel free to stress the obvious, and then impatiently demand the caregiver come up with an answer.
“Give Me Solutions.”
Caregivers don’t need others to rehash the same problem we’ve obsessed over. Furthermore, we don’t need “bystanders” to place another unreasonable request upon our shoulders. By evenly stating, “Give Me Solutions,” we detach from the ownership of satisfying an onlooker’s lack of understanding.
Asking those individuals for solutions, and then just being quiet, gives them a moment’s pause. In that pause, they have the opportunity to consider the complexity of the caregiver’s world. In addition, maybe, just maybe, a moment’s pause provides them with an opportunity to embrace some humility when engaging suffering. Regardless of the humility or lack thereof, a moment’s pause provides caregivers with a distraction to extricate themselves from the conversation. While we cannot change others’ behavior, we can minimize contact with those who make our lives more challenging.
While everyone has opinions, few have solutions. Even less have the humility to walk with you in suffering when no solutions are apparent. Asking complainers “to give me a solution” is a great way to redirect their complaining energy. A secondary benefit is that is usually sends them on their way—and out of yours.
And they sat with him on the ground seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his suffering was very great. Job 2:13
About Peter Rosenberger
Peter Rosenberger, a thirty-year caregiver, is the author of Hope for the Caregiver, and three additional books. An accomplished pianist, Peter recently released his new CD, SONGS FOR THE CAREGIVER. In 2017, Peter earned his 2nd degree black-belt in Hapkido, and often incorporates self-defense principles when speaking.
Peter Rosenberger’s radio show for family caregivers can be heard each Sunday at 3PM CDT on Newsradio 1510 WLAC and on the Truth Network. In addition, it is streamed world-wide through Iheart Media, and is a podcast, as well.